Dear Database Administrators:
Thank you for renaming all of the indexes on my table. These are supposed to help my software run faster, but only if I have the correct names.
Imagine my joy when the manager in charge of the project spent much of the day complaining about the slow performance of my web code (written in hand-rolled PL/SQL), while the real problem bubbled underneath in your recently (and frequently! Kudos!) changed indexes.
I understand that you know how much I love debugging working code and how much I love a good puzzle. Renaming the indexes so that none of my database hints work any more? Genius! Not only does it slow down my database access, it makes my web pages load so slowly the web server times out! Excellent!
Even better, a misnamed index will make things even slower than having no index at all. {Begin slow clap} Bravo, my friends.
I regret to inform you, however, that the next time you make such a change without notifying me, I will find it necessary to optimize the data partitions on the main server with a large electromagnetic chainsaw.
Love,
rain.
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