Dear Database Administrators:
Thank you for renaming all of the indexes on my table. These are supposed to help my software run faster, but only if I have the correct names.
Imagine my joy when the manager in charge of the project spent much of the day complaining about the slow performance of my web code (written in hand-rolled PL/SQL), while the real problem bubbled underneath in your recently (and frequently! Kudos!) changed indexes.
I understand that you know how much I love debugging working code and how much I love a good puzzle. Renaming the indexes so that none of my database hints work any more? Genius! Not only does it slow down my database access, it makes my web pages load so slowly the web server times out! Excellent!
Even better, a misnamed index will make things even slower than having no index at all. {Begin slow clap} Bravo, my friends.
I regret to inform you, however, that the next time you make such a change without notifying me, I will find it necessary to optimize the data partitions on the main server with a large electromagnetic chainsaw.
Love,
rain.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Sunday, October 15, 2006
I heard the bells
AUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!
Where the hell does that ringing come from? It sounds like bells! Ro hears it, too, so not hallucinating...
Every five minutes they ring!
Something outside? No! Inside!
Coming from the computer! Aha!
Look all around the computer for jobs that are running, iCal alarms that are set, find *nothing*.
Every five minutes, gentle chimes! ARGH! Computer infected by some obscure OSX malware? Something demanding to be upgraded? What? WHAT?????
After about a half hour of doing this, rainbird finally realizes that the sound comes from the left computer speaker only.
Then he realizes that it comes from the cell phone lying *behind* the left speaker.
The damn cell phone sets off a nagging alarm every five minutes when the battery has low charge.
Hopefully plugging it into the wall will recharge it and stop the bells.
The bells!
Argh. If not, throwing it into Horsetooth Reservoir should convince it to SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Where the hell does that ringing come from? It sounds like bells! Ro hears it, too, so not hallucinating...
Every five minutes they ring!
Something outside? No! Inside!
Coming from the computer! Aha!
Look all around the computer for jobs that are running, iCal alarms that are set, find *nothing*.
Every five minutes, gentle chimes! ARGH! Computer infected by some obscure OSX malware? Something demanding to be upgraded? What? WHAT?????
After about a half hour of doing this, rainbird finally realizes that the sound comes from the left computer speaker only.
Then he realizes that it comes from the cell phone lying *behind* the left speaker.
The damn cell phone sets off a nagging alarm every five minutes when the battery has low charge.
Hopefully plugging it into the wall will recharge it and stop the bells.
The bells!
Argh. If not, throwing it into Horsetooth Reservoir should convince it to SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Saturday, October 14, 2006
A True Ghost Story for Halloween
A few years ago, I was standing in my condo kitchen and felt a presence. I lived in this Boulder condo with a blonde woman who I now call "The Hater". I thought had walked into the kitchen and was standing next to me. Then I noticed that the woman in the kitchen was shorter, more slender than The Hater, wearing a prairie-style dress and a bonnet. She wore her hair in long blonde curls, while The Hater's hair was straight, shorter.
She was just standing there watching me cook. I turned to get a better look at her and she was gone.
She was just standing there watching me cook. I turned to get a better look at her and she was gone.
